Post by Admin on Oct 2, 2022 1:45:22 GMT
Tamika Strader couldn’t remember the last time she had been up in Northern Ontario. She did know the last time it was to do a Trans-Canada ride on her Harley Sportster that Meghan gave her when they formed the Cowgirls From Hell, to go meet up with their brother as part of a biker charity run. A lot of Northern Ontario can be a boring ride, but once you got to Highway 11 of the Trans-Canada, the wildlife, forests and “mini-mountains” erased the boredom. Due to the short notice, Tamika had to fly into North Bay on the Strader Jet at a small privately owned airstrip. Leaving her with a near four hundred kilometre ride in a platinum-coloured Cadilac CTS rental car she picked up. With only fifty kilometres to go, she taps her fingers on the steering wheel of the luxury sedan, singing along to the song on the radio.
“We've been here too long! Tryin' to get along! Pretendin' that you're oh so shy! I'm a natural ma'am, doing what I can….”
Our Matriarch is interrupted by her phone ringing, playing “Dreamweaver.” With a press of a button on the steering wheel, the call is sent to voicemail, all hands-free. The last thing Tamika wanted was to be pulled over for distracted driving in Northern Ontario. The Ontario Provincial Police have nothing better to do than harass people driving along Highways 11 and 17. Tamika also doesn’t want to talk to Zybala until she has a least a couple ideas of where Bob Grenier made up disappeared too.
“Sorry, Mikey. I’ll give ya a call when I find something, buddy.”
A little while later, Tamika is sitting on the Queen Size bed in the Hampton Hills Inn by Hilton Timmins, phone in her hand, marking possible locations of OCWs resident stoner Bob Grenier.
“The Grenier Farm is by the dispensary he frequents. So, if he isn’t home, I can check out the weed shop and the grocery store that orders him cases of Oreos… man, how is he not a big fat stoner with a diet like that? Better yet, how does he keep himself from getting winded? That man is an enigma.”
Dressed in blue jeans, a S.E.X. green hoodie and a blue denim jacket, she walks out of her hotel room, the heels of her snakeskin cowgirl boots silenced by the carpeting in the hallway. She is startled by a couple young boys and girls wearing Raging Skull OCW t-shirts. He absolutely hates his merchandise.
“Oh my gosh, it’s Tamika Strader!”
The four young adolescents run towards her, looks of pure excitement on their faces getting bigger as they reach her.
“Yeah, that’s me! John Nash Strader’s big sister!”
“Oh, this is sooooo cool! Can’t believe we ran into you here, of all places! What are you doing here, Miss Strader? Is OCW having a show here?”
Tamika smiles at the young fans and shakes her head.
“No, our Canadian tour is just about over. I’m here to see a friend!”
“You mean Bob Grenier?! He’s a pretty big deal around here!”
“Yeah, so I have heard. You kids know where he likes to hang out?”
“We’ll tell you what we know for a selfie and an autograph!”
Tamika squints her eyes, suspicious.
“Hmmm… you kids drive a hard bargain but alright.”
A little while later…
Tamika stands in front of a burned-down Pizza Hut, hands on her hips, shaking her head.
“That’s the last time I'll listen to the little stoner fans of The Raging Skull,” she says out loud to herself, not thinking anyone was around.
“The pizza is a little well done there,” a voice says, grabbing Tamika’s attention. A little old woman wearing an OCW t-shirt with Curt Canon’s smiling face on the front and “#CurtCanonRunIn” on the back.
“That’s okay; I’m all pizza’d out anyway. Know where I can find some good Pad Thai?” Tamika inquires with a smile and a wink.
“In Sault Sainte Marie, haha.”
Tamika fawns a laugh, not wanting to offend the old woman cause who knows, maybe she knows where Bob is. Tamika tilts her head to the right and gives her sweetest smile to the old lady.
“Say, you are obviously an OCW Faithful. Do you know where Bob Grenier is at?”
The little old lady smiles and nods.
“I might, but it’ll cost ya.”
“Ok, what are you looking for in return?”
“A two-month supply of Curt’s Catsup,” the old lady quickly replies.
“You drive a steep bargain, but I can help you out. After all, Tamika Cares,” the Strader Matriarch replies with a smile.
“Oh, that is wonderful, dear. You have made an old lady very happy. This is my email,” she says, pulling a crumbled business card out of a small crinkled change purse. “Just e-transfer me, and I will place the order myself. If that’s ok.”
Tamika squints slightly, her nose crinkling from it. After a few seconds, she nods and takes the card. Tamika nods to the old lady.
“There, I sent enough for a three-month supply.”
“Oh, that is just wonderful! You’ll find him over at the Timmies on Algonquin Boulevard. Be careful, dear; it can get a little rough around here at night.”
Tamika nods excited she potentially has a lead on Bob Grenier. The beautiful thing is he’s a town hero, so everyone knows who he is.
A little while later…
Tamika stands in front of a burned-down Tim Horton’s, shaking her head with her hands placed on her hips. A loud sigh escapes her lips.
“My god, what the hell is with this town? Pizza Hut burned down, Tim Horton’s burned down… swindled by four pre-teens and an old lady. Northern Ontario just isn’t what it used to be.”
“Dreamweaver” starts to play from her phone; pulling it out, she silences the ringing. She’s not a bitch sending it straight to voicemail, as Tamika wasn’t about to hurt Mike’s feelings. #TamikaCares, after all.
“Sorry, Mike, I’ll call ya back as soon as I know more… shit, where the hell are ya, Grenier? Wait, I have every PTSD member's address and info on file at Strader Inc. I’ll get Harold to send me the address. Why didn’t I think of that before? Oh, right… Cara got me high on her 40% THC strain. I’m amazed she remembers her own name half the time,” she says with a chuckle. Getting back in her rental Cadilac, she looks over at the burned-down Canadian coffee shop, just shaking her head.
On her way to Bob’s Farm, located just near the edge of the small city, a news report on 92.1 The Rock, Timmins Classic Rock radio station, comes on.
“This just in, four teenagers and one elderly woman have been arrested and charged with arson concerning the Pizza Hut and Tim Horton’s burning down late last night and early this morning. Sue Johanson, 65, is also suspected to be the ring leader of one of the largest crystal meth trades in Northern Ontario. The four teenagers involved burned down the two franchises as their managers allegedly had a large back debt. More on this as the story unveils.”
Tamika’s eyes go wide as she turns onto a dirt road leading up to Grenier’s farm in the night.
“Jesus Hank Williams The Third Christ,” she says, “Wait… Sue Johanson? I think that’s who Megz said taught her how to suck a pecker on a late-night Sunday Night Sex Show.”
When Tamika arrives at the farm, a wave of concern comes over her as she puts the car in park. Walking up to the front door, she sees a note pinned on the front door with a few thumb tacks. Tamika reads it out loud.
“Grenier, we have looked after the farm as promised. Contact us immediately upon your return.”
Pulling out her phone, she opens up the camera option and sets it along Bob’s front porch railing. She hits a countdown timer, taking a seat on a porch swing attached by two chains to the roof of the said porch. She crosses her legs just before it begins a live stream over social media and the OCW website.
“Greetings and salutations from THE GREAT WHITE NORTH of Timmins, Ontario. I know what all y’all are thinkin’... “What in the world is Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Tamika Anne Strader doing in Timmins, Ontario?” The short answer is I am looking for my stablemate, The Grand Wizard of Wrestling, Bob-Bob Grenier. What? He totally answers to Bob-Bob, so don’t give me that look!”
“The long answer is… we don’t know where Bob is and become concerned. He’s a little too old for an Amber Alert, so Bob-Bob, if you are seeing this or hearing this… first of all, it’s not Aliens using telekinesis. Number two, your stablemates are worried about ya. Remember, Bob-Bob, #TamikaCares!”
The former Craze Champion tilts her head to the right with a genuine smile. She and Grenier had come a long way since early 2022.
“Now, everyone knows that PTSD was given a “Freebird Rule” with being the tag team champions. For the not-smart-marks, that means any one combination of PTSD can defend the tag titles. Now Zybala usually tends to team up with The Stranger, and most recently, Bob-Bob, to defend the tag straps.”
“Normally, I’d leave it up to them because I have only ever had one championship partner, and that’s my sister as the infamous Cowgirls From Hell. However, with Stranger-Danger busy refereeing our World Champion, Helena dealing with Crash and Bob-Bob missing, Mikey needs a reliable partner. Who better than a former five-time tag team champion who is in a Hall of Fame? Noooooboddddddy!” Tamika does her best Bad Boy Furniture commercial imitation.
“And who better than me to understand a team like Sons of Krayzie? Duce and Byson, twins and second-generation wrestlers of the infamous Krayzie. It’s a tough thing, stepping out of the shadow of a successful lineage. You want to do whatever you can to make your family proud and carve out your own piece of that lineage.”
“I have been there, boys and when Megz and I held our Pioneer Wrestling Association Tag Team titles for the first time? We were well on our way. Fast forward to now, I am making waves as a singles wrestler, but I have never forgotten my first true love in wrestling; tag team action.”
“So on Monday, in front of my true hometown fans in London, Ontario, Zybala and me (TMZ 2.0) are gonna open the show with a successful defence of the OCW Tag Team titles before I go on to teaching Casino Kid (kid, what an apt name for him to have taken the gamble of taking on a Strader in OCW) a lesson in humility and respect. ‘Cause let's face it, boys, you two have your own problems to worry about with your doppelgängers running amuck attacking you at shows and in Rest Area bathrooms.”
The Matriarch stands up, dusting her palms on the side of her denim-clad hips and looks out in the distance, her eyes catching something in the distance. Picking up the iPhone, Tamika walks down off the porch. She slowly heads towards the driveway giving us that crazy drunk white girl selfie video angle (even if she isn’t drunk).
“Besides, funnily enough, your little posse has become a part of how us Straders rebound in OCW. In the first match, after Ronnie and I lost our titles, BRIM was the man to turn it around for us. Now I will ride the momentum and help Zybala keep this tag title by adding you both in with BRIM. Fun fact, of our six in total tag team championship runs, I made the winning pin in title wins and defences. I also wasn’t the one to take the pin when we lost them. Right after, Victoria is gonna whisk her mama and me through dimensions so we can make BWF’s WretleFest for one last shot at the BWF tag titles. It will be a glorious day in my career, Zybala’s, PTSD and CFH’s last ride.”
The Strader Sneer crosses her lips as she looks up at Grenier’s house and hears a car approach that she had seen in the distance.
“Well, it looks like Zybala has arrived. We will continue the search for Bob-Bob, but in the meantime, and not to tooter the ol’hooter, but your chances of becoming the tag team champions drastically decreased when I became involved. See ya in the funny pages, boys.”
We fade out as Mike Zybala parks beside Tamika’s rental car, ready to help her finish the search for Bob Grenier.
